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Fear of the Future As I sit alone in my room and stare at a boutonnière from my brother's wedding, I....I'm scared; fearful of the unpredictability of the future. The uncertainty that it holds. All I can think about is if my life will become as good as my brother who got married. Will I find a boyfriend? Will I get a steady job or career? Will I find happiness in living? So far, living is far too lonely while the thought of death is comforting.
I want to know what the future holds so that I can decide for myself if it is worth going on. I fear my life when I should just enjoy it. I can't crave something if I don't take pleasure in it. I guess the real question is 'Am I worth the time and wait?' And I honestly don't know how to answer that question. It isn't in my capabilities to do that.
Staring at this flower only brings sorrow when just a few days before I was showing it off with happiness. The way the white brightness decays into a
Happiness?Why am I so happy?
There isn't anything to be happy about in my life;
I don't have a significant other, I feel like I don't have any friends,
Nothing in my life seems to be going right.
So why am I happy......content with right now?
Could it be the sun bathing me with it's warmth,
The way I look at nature and see it so radiant, and beautiful?
I don't understand, yet there is something inside of me that grasps me and tells me
That everything is fine, and good, and....happy.
What is a guy to do when this happens, because moments like this are rare to me.
Am I to just 'play' along with it, or maybe work towards other good things, or possibly
Just be still and watch everything passing by? I don't know what to do?
To Be LonelyThis, my loneliness.
This enchantment that lingers over me.
All I wish is for it to be broken.
Broken by someone, anyone willing to hold onto me.
But as the days flow by, I feel it getting stronger.
Entrapping me into its grasp, unable to free myself.
This feeling that I grow tired of,
Will eventually become my grave.
Unless someone is willing to fight for me,
Someone that would want to see me for another day.
Yet, I fear that will never happen,
But the only thing keeping me here is hope.
I don't know if this hope is false or not,
But I must have the patience to find out.
If I don't, I wouldn't be able to know what could've been.
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