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Fear of the Future As I sit alone in my room and stare at a boutonnière from my brother's wedding, I....I'm scared; fearful of the unpredictability of the future. The uncertainty that it holds. All I can think about is if my life will become as good as my brother who got married. Will I find a boyfriend? Will I get a steady job or career? Will I find happiness in living? So far, living is far too lonely while the thought of death is comforting.
I want to know what the future holds so that I can decide for myself if it is worth going on. I fear my life when I should just enjoy it. I can't crave something if I don't take pleasure in it. I guess the real question is 'Am I worth the time and wait?' And I honestly don't know how to answer that question. It isn't in my capabilities to do that.
Staring at this flower only brings sorrow when just a few days before I was showing it off with happiness. The way the white brightness decays into a
Happiness?Why am I so happy?
There isn't anything to be happy about in my life;
I don't have a significant other, I feel like I don't have any friends,
Nothing in my life seems to be going right.
So why am I happy......content with right now?
Could it be the sun bathing me with it's warmth,
The way I look at nature and see it so radiant, and beautiful?
I don't understand, yet there is something inside of me that grasps me and tells me
That everything is fine, and good, and....happy.
What is a guy to do when this happens, because moments like this are rare to me.
Am I to just 'play' along with it, or maybe work towards other good things, or possibly
Just be still and watch everything passing by? I don't know what to do?
To Be LonelyThis, my loneliness.
This enchantment that lingers over me.
All I wish is for it to be broken.
Broken by someone, anyone willing to hold onto me.
But as the days flow by, I feel it getting stronger.
Entrapping me into its grasp, unable to free myself.
This feeling that I grow tired of,
Will eventually become my grave.
Unless someone is willing to fight for me,
Someone that would want to see me for another day.
Yet, I fear that will never happen,
But the only thing keeping me here is hope.
I don't know if this hope is false or not,
But I must have the patience to find out.
If I don't, I wouldn't be able to know what could've been.
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More